Thursday, June 18, 2009

Parenting books suck.

Parenting books suck. And lots of parents do too.

People should be able to raise their children well. They shouldn't have to turn to a inexperienced author's book or a Disciplining Savior to keep their kids in check.
I once had a friend tell me that I should write a book on parenting. I had another tell me that I should open up "Brooke's Boot Camp for Unruly Children. (And they'd be the first to enroll their kid)" But I'd never want to be Super Nanny.

I don't think I could write a book on this topic with out sounding completely cocky or holier than thou. It's mostly because I just don't get people's logic when it comes to raising children. They're completely throwing out every bit of parenting they ever learned from their parents and grandparents. Respect is not taught. Friendship is taught. Selfishness replaces selflessness. Spanking is so "horrible"... so instead, let's put the kid in time out for the same amount of minutes as their age.

I'm going to steal a line from my Father-in-Law. My husband quotes this to everyone... and we have put it good use in our home.
"When your kids are small, they don't know respect. They know fear. They know consequence. Respect will develop as they develop."

Fear does not equal violence. I say it again.... fear does NOT equal violence.

In this instance fear equals consequence. It equals knowing that if you do not behave in the expected manner, there will be a consequence. If you teach your child that when she throws a screaming temper tantrum, you will in turn __blank__, she will not do it again. And if she does, you __blank__ again. Consistency always wins.

I'm not saying that I disagree with spanking though. Sometimes a kid just needs a pop on the tush. Biting your brother simply is not acceptable. Spanking in anger is not either.

My "Boot Camp" friend had a little boy that would hit/yell at them/scream at them/talk back to them/throw temper tantrums. They would threaten to spank him, but rarely ever followed through. They would threaten to take his toys away. They would yell right back at him, a 3 year old, like he was worthless. But when I had him...when I babysat, or even when we were all just together... that little boy would jump when I said jump and he would speak to me and use his manners. The moment his mom and dad walked through the door, or interjected, he was screaming and hitting them and acting like the royally spoiled brat he was being raised as. I never laid a hand on that boy, or threatened such. I never yelled at him. I never threatened to take away anything. I simply commanded obedience and projected authority. And I got it.
It was easy for me and it was natural. A three year old will NOT run all over me. So could he run all over his parents?

If anything, I'd rather open up a "Brooke's Boot Camp for Push Over Parents... who read too many useless parenting books... and won't discipline their children".

I am proud of my "mommy monster voice." And my kids adore me.